Friday, June 17, 2011

Mom,

I think that you read my blog and since we aren't talking I thought I would write you here. I won't go into any details since other people can read this but I feel there are some things that I need to say to you.

I'm sad that this situation has torn us apart. We have never really had a relationship and I felt that once I found my faith we had common ground that brought us close for the first time and I'm sad that is no more. Daemon misses you and Mark. He talks about you all the time. I've told him that me and you are fighting and that Papa did some mean things and he wants to call you guys up and, I guess, tell all of us to stop fighting. I think it's sweet.

I miss you. There has been so much that has gone on in the past year that I wish I could talk to my mom about. I guess you know that we are trying to move. Doug and I are going to be homeowners within the year. This is something that I wish I could talk to you about.

I wish that you would get some help for yourself. I think you need it. Not in a bad way but I think you need to know that you don't have to put up with the stuff Mark put you through. I don't think he is a bad guy, I don't hate him, but I do dislike what he has put our family through. In that regard he's just as bad as Kim.

I know that you were there for me when I was going through all of that with Doug and I wish that I could return the favor for you but I can't. Not when you don't want me to. And not when it makes my boys lives turn upside down. They are the most important thing here. Not me, not you, and not Mark. Those little boys deserve better than the drama that surrounds all of us when Mark drinks.

I'm going to be an hour away now. I feel like we won't ever be able to repair anything if we don't do it before I move. But I can't make that first step. I need you to this time.

You have missed so much here. You would adore Tristan. He's walking and talking and mimics words and gestures now. Daemon has such a strong heart for God you would be amazed. That little boy LOVES Jesus.

I wish you would make the choice to be a part of our lives before it's too late and we've moved away. My two little boys already have a grandfather that they will never get to meet because Dad passed away. I would hate for them to also have a grandmother that is still living that they will never know.

But just know that the choice is yours. As hard as it is for me to NOT fix this, I need to have you fix it this time. I need you to make the choice to seek me out and put me first before an addict this time. I cannot allow myself to feel heartbroken and used again. The ball is in your court mom, it's up to you if you want to pick it up.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

We got a house!

We put a bid in on Sunday and it was accepted yesterday! So in the next few months we will be moving an hour away from where we are now. It's exciting, scary, overwhelming, and one of the best feelings ever! We are going to have our OWN house. No more renting.

I'm going to miss this house though. I feel like this is place where Doug and I grew up. We became parents here. We've built our family here. We've found God here. It holds a lot of memories for us. It's been HOME for 6 years now. As excited as I am it will be sad to see this place go.

So here's our new house. By the end of the summer, we will live there. Just in time for Daemon to go to school



Saturday, June 11, 2011

Praying for a house...


Still no luck in the house search. We do have 3 we are hopefully seeing tomorrow. Then our realtor sent us 15 more today. I'm hoping that something works out. It's been draining and stressful. That's why I haven't written in days on here. There are so many things to balance in a short time frame.

Sometimes it makes me wonder if we are just supposed to stay here and fix it up and homeschool. I like this house and I'm so grateful that my in-laws bought it so we can rent it. I don't think we would have made it these past years if not for their generosity. But now, we want a home of our own. We want a yard for our kids to run in. Our yard is the size of a postage stamp. It's really tiny and I want something bigger for our boys.

So I'm hoping that tomorrow will be wonderful and in a couple weeks we will know when we close! I just wanted to update because I realized today that it's been more than a week!