Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My baby is leaving on Sunday :(

See that big boy in the picture on top of this blog? That is my four year old Daemon. He is going on a Norwegian Cruise line cruise with his grandparents and leaves this Sunday.

He may be a big boy but that is still my baby and I am offically in freakout mode. I'm so glad that my husband is a logical individual because he keeps me grounded. I have thoughts about Daemon falling overboard and being eaten by a shark and my husband tells me how almost impossible that is.

I woke up last night at 3 am from a nightmare where I was at Daemon's funeral. It was horrible and I woke up crying. I wish I could stop worrying so much but that's what I do. I will probably worry until the second he is home and in my arms again.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Feel like I'm really struggling about some things...

I know what the right path is for me. Being a homemaker is the most rewarding thing I have done in my life. So why do I let the words of strangers affect me?

I see a lot about how homemakers and stay at home moms are drains and leeches on their husbands and society in general. When did raising your OWN children become something to be ashamed of? I may understand a lot and have learned a lot in my 30 years but this is something that I will never understand.

How did we as a society get so far away from family that a woman raising her own children is looked down upon? Why are companies that manufacture board games rmeninding families that they should spend time together?

I look around the world that I am in and I am utterly bewildered. There is so much abuse, moral decay, and utter disregard for fellow humans that I'm glad that I am making my home a safe haven for all my guys.

My husband is out there all day dealing with rude customers, lazy employees, and a hyper-sensitive boss. Since I have made changes in myself, home is where he longs to be. It's restful and rejuvinating for him here. Isn't that what home should be?

I don't know why strangers words pierce my heart. I know what to do to make my family thrive. I'm not perfect at this homemaking gig but I'm learning and I'll keep learning for as long as I have the chance.

Everybody has something they are passionate about and I think this is mine. My family means the world to me, why would I ignore their needs because society at large says I need to get a job? I am more of a complete woman now that I finally picked one path and stopped with the selfish mantra that I can have it all.

No one person can have it all. Everything ebbs and flows. For every minute you put into one thing, that's a minute you can't put into something else. If you are gardening, you can't be washing the car at the exact same time (well unless you are lucky enough to have ten arms lol). If you are working, you can't be with your family. Nobody can have it all and I am glad that I got tired of sacrificing my family for a dead end job.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Today is my mommy's birthday!

I love this picture of my mom (even though I'm pretty sure that she hates it). It embodies my mom for me. She never comes as alive as when she has a baby in her arms. Even when she isn't looking at the camera or making a funny face, you can she she loves holding the baby. The little guy in her arms in my younger son Tristan.

I always thought she would make a great pediatric nurse but she never had the chance to pursue it. She has had some bumpy times in her life. She became a widow at age 39 when my father died. She has a special needs son and a daughter who was very angry for a lot of years. Even through all that her faith in God shone through. She never lost it and in all her trials in life her faith only became stronger.

I love my mom and I look up to her and today on her birthday I wanted the world to know about the wonderful woman who is my mother.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Crocheting thoughts

So I'm sitting here in my nice new redone bedroom. The walls are now a pale blue and I have new curtians and bedspread. I'm alternating between surfing the web on my little red laptop (so cute!) and crocheting. My kids are in bed and my husband and his best friend are playing a card game in the dining room which is right outside my bedroom. Life is peaceful and good right now. Being that I am just relaxing I've had a lot of thoughts running through my head.

I'm on a website for moms. I'm on there off and on all day. I'm in a group for surrendered wives and I'm in other groups about Christianity, cross-stitching etc. I'm also in a group that is just for venting. I've noticed a big difference in the women from my surrendered wife group and the venting group. The women in my SW group are very respectful in what they write about their husbands but no only that they are very respectful to each other.

The women in my venting group seem crude, foul, and hell bent on bashing all the men in their lives. From husbands, boyfriends, fathers, even sons. I realize it's a venting group but it just seems to go overboard to me. I've read things like, 'I will never let my husband do that' or 'if he doesn't help around the house more I am leaving him'. Where is the respect?

I don't understand why we women set about trying to change our men. Telling them that everything they hold dear is wrong. All the things they own will never go in the house, and that they will basically never measure up to our standards. Then women stand their angry and bewildered when the man pulls away.

Would you like to live like that? Would you like to be told every day that you fall short as a person? I know I wouldn't. I will admit I used to be just like those women that I write about. Nothing my husband did was good enough and we were both miserable. I'm so glad that I had my eyes opened and started down another path.

My marriage is everything i ever hoped it would be. And the only thing I did was take the focus off of changing my husband and started changing myself. As I started to change, he also changed. Not because I was forcing him to or wanted him to, but because I was a better person to be around. I became nicer, I laughed more, and the things that used to drive me crazy about him now didn't matter or I liked.

I also find that everyone in my family is happier because I am at home and I realized that this is where I want to be and this is where I am SUPPOSED to be. I know my view isn't a popular one (except with the ladies at the wesite, Ladies Against Feminism) but I think there is a wound that was dealt to the American family when the mothers were almost forced out of the home.

It's not a bad thing to be a homemaker. It's a noble thing. I want to be the one to raise my own children. I know that is not a politically correct thing to say but when a child is at a daycare from 6 am to 6 pm what time of the day is left? The parent takes the child home, feeds them, bathes them, and then puts them to bed. How is that raising a child? I worked in a daycare a long time ago. There were children that were there every day from open to close, five days a week.

What happened to getting satisfaction out of raising your children? Children are now regarded as burdens in our society instead of blessings. The family has no place in this society. And we all sit around and wonder what is wrong with this world. It's time for women to have a revolution and go back home. Raise our children. Be the glue that holds our families together. Stop trying to be better than men and just love being a woman.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldredge

I've sat on this book for awhile because I didn't know how to write a review that would encompass all of my feelings about this book. I know that a lot of Christians out there dislike this book because they feel this book gives more glory to humans than God. I don't feel that way. I think the way the authors approached this book made it so a woman can feel like she is worthy to God and an essential part of his creation.

I felt like the authors were honestly talking to me. I felt like they were saying, 'life has damaged you but God still thinks you are glorious and wants you to still reach out to him'.

This book came at a time where I was feeling like there was no place for a woman in Christianity. At this point in my life I can't live up to the Proverbs 31 woman. I was feeling down because I couldn't and I thought that God only wanted that of me. Reading this book reinstilled in me the fact that God wants me and loves me, faults and all. It reignited the fire of faith in me.

I highly recommend this book. In fact I have a line of women friends that are going to borrow this book from me. We are special as women and God sees that in us.

Monday, May 10, 2010

No yeast bread

So I decided to make this today. I am NOT a bread maker lol. It's supposed to be a circle and I got a circle type thing. I'll have to give it another whirl. It's a yummy bread just very heavy. I got it from here. Oh and I recommend jam or honey on the bread. It's got a flour-y taste.

No Yeast Bread

If you need, or want, to remove yeast from your diet, but can't stand the thought of giving up bread, this recipe gives you an alternative. The Irish gave us this one, out of necessity when yeast was unavailable to them, but I've made a couple of refinements. The vinegar is essential because baking soda requires an acidic component to do its work. You could also use buttermilk, or milk with 2 tsp of cider vinegar added. This recipe makes a 2 lb. round loaf. Use a pizza pan for baking, preferably one of the silvertone no-stick type. Otherwise you will need to flour the bottom where the bread rests to keep it from sticking.

Preheat oven to 400ºF.
4 cups flour
1 tbsp sugar
1/2 tbsp baking powder
1/2 tbsp baking soda
1½ cups water
2 tsp vinegar (cider or white)

Combine dry ingredients and mix. Combine water and vinegar. Add wet ingredients to dry and mix. Turn dough out onto floured surface and knead for two or three minutes (no need to overdo it). Shape into a round (about 1½ to 2 inches high), then place on pan. Dip a sharp knife into flour and cut an 'X' into the top of the loaf. Bake 40 minutes. Remove, and while hot, glaze with 1 tbsp melted or softened butter.

Oh boy it's one of those days!

So after I got spoiled from my wonderful husband yesterday for Mother's Day, reality decided to smack me in the face today to make up for it. I fell asleep early last night and I woke up to a trashed house.

My older son has decided the last few days that he doesn't have to listen to mommy. He is slowly losing toys as a consequence (yay! Less toys to clean lol), however, he doesn't seem to care too much. I keep trying to take toys that I know he loves and then he just looks at me and says, "well I didn't want that toy anyway". This child is too much like someone I know. Oh yeah, that's right, ME! *Sigh* My mother's curse has come true. I have a child just like me.

Then I decided to finally use those space saving bags that I bought a month ago. You know, the ones that you suck all the air out of. These things are so cool. I could be happy just opening them and sucking the air out all day. It's the little things you know :) But I overstuffed the first bag and it ripped on me. These things are not cheap and I felt horrible. But like my husband said, "you live and learn".

On the up side I am wearing my new cute apron. It makes me feel like more of a homemaker. Three years ago I would have laughed at anyone who said that I would be at this point in my life. Space saver bags and aprons bring me joy :)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Chicken Pillows

Since today is mother's day I thought I would post my new favorite recipe. I cannot remember where I got this from. I know it was somewhere online. I have searched and found some recipes that are similar but not this one. I would love to give credit to the person who made this recipe so I will keep searching and if anyone comes across this blog and knows where this is from please let me know. I should have wrote it down and not just copied it from the website.

Chicken Pillows Recipe...

2 cups cooked shredded chicken
1 8oz cream cheese
3 green onions chopped
1/4 cup celery chopped fine
1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese
1/8 teaspoon salt, pepper, garlic powder
You will also need one package of crescent rolls.
Mix the bulleted items listed above in bowl, and spoon 2 TBS into each crescent roll.
Bake at 350 degrees for 13-16 minutes till golden brown.
If you find the triangle hard to work with you can make larger ones buy using two rolls, in a rectangle shape folded in half. Just add twice the amount of filling since you are using two rolls.

(This makes a lot and we have found that this recipe can fill two cans of rolls easily. Also I always add more celery because I like the crunch.)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I am a surrendered wife and a homemaker

This was not a step that I took lightly. The past few years I have felt that God was calling me to do it but I rebelled. "I can't possibly do that. Surrendered/submissive wives are doormats". In my journey I have learned that a surrendered wife is the opposite of a doormat.

I have also learned that my heart is in my home. Hence the new name of my blog. I am happier, more peaceful, and loving the fact that I get to stay home and take care of my family.

These were not decisions that I made lightly or easily. Like many other women my age I was told that I can 'have it all'. But how can I have it all if I'm never here for my children or husband? How can I have it all when I don't want to come home from work because my house is the opposite of inviting because no one has had any time to clean?

I am grateful to feminism for the fact that my voice is heard in government. I am also grateful that if I am being abused I have avenues to go to for help. Feminism has done some wonderful things to ensure the rights of women.

However, I think modern feminism has gone too far. Men and women are not made the same. There are some things that can never be equal between men and women. It's not wrong, it's not bad, it's just the way it is. We have differnt parts, different hormones. So what makes people think that we are made the exact same way?

Another thing wrong with the big picture is, I know that I will have to keep defending my choices to friends, family, hell even strangers if they get wind of what I do. Feminism was about choice. So why is the choice to be at home with my family the only choice that is not worth anything?

Why am I considered a worthless person because I stay home? My son's get the benefit of having mom around all the time. My husband gets the benefit of having a clean, inviting house, clean laundry, and a peaceful wife to come home to. I might not being in a paycheck but we sure have more money with me staying home than if I was working. There are no daycare costs, no big gas costs from driving to work everyday. I actually have time to look for deals, make food from scratch, and clip coupons. So in that way I save money too.

My huband gave me the best compliment the other day. One that I feel sums up my role as a homemaker. He told me that I was the sun everyone in the house revolved around. That makes me think that I DO have it all.