That's what I have realized when I've thought how to approach my one word for this year. Why couldn't I have had an easier word like joy or hope? Why submit? I mean, I know that I can be a tad bit controlling. Ok, so I'm a control freak but do I really need to submit? It's sooooooo hard (insert whiney kid voice here).
So now that I have that off my chest, I have the beginnings of a plan started on how my year of submitting is going to look. It's not in depth or anything but I feel it's a good solid start to my year.
First up, submitting to God. I think that before I can really start dying to self and submitting to what God wants for my life I really need to have a relationship with him. I can't just expect that he will tell me what He wants in my life if I never talk to him.
I've already started to work on this. I'm trying to pray more. That's been a big struggle for me. When I sit and pray my mind tends to wander and before I know it, I'm thinking about video games or what to cook for dinner. Praying tends to be a lot of me letting my mind wander and then asking for forgiveness for letting my mind wander. It's not helpful and it's very frustrating.
So I decided that I need to buy a notebook and start writing my prayers down. I've tried to do this before but stopped because it felt like I wasn't getting enough out of it. But I've decided that until I have praying every day as a habit, I need to get a little less out of it instead of feeling frustrated every time.
I also need to study the Bible more. I am currently following a plan to read the Bible in a year and I'm doing a study on Luke that I'm getting so much out of (thanks Angell!).
I feel like I just need to keep moving this way and then when I feel God trying to move in my life I will follow him. I don't know what this is going to look like and it's still pretty scary to me to give up control and let God lead but that's what this year is all about.
Next up submitting to my husband. I also have the start of a plan in place for this. We have been in a rough spot lately with a lot of misunderstandings and arguments. So we are doing the 'Love Dare' right now. It's really been helping.
The next step is for me to start praying for my husband. Not for him to change like I have been doing. Just praying for him. That God would help him through a rough patch at work. Things like that. I want to use my prayer time to help my husband. Not bring a list of complaints about him to God.
I also plan to read 'The Surrendered Wife' again. It helped me SO much the last time I read it. I don't agree with the whole book but there is lots of really great advice. The last time I read this book and tried to implement in in my life, was the best time of our marriage I think. My husband was so relaxed and happy and he was way more willing to do the things I asked him to do. In turn, he was doing the things that I asked him to so I wanted to make him as happy as I could. For those short few months it seemed like we were in this happy cycle. I want that back.
So that's what I have so far. It's not complete and I haven't put everything in to practice yet, but like I said, I think it's a solid plan. I am looking forward to this year because even though it may be scary, I think that I could really be a different and better person at the end of the year and my marriage could be back to the place I want it to me.