Sunday, January 20, 2013

I am not ashamed!

So this blog post might be all over the place. I have a few things that I want to talk about.

First, the other day on Facebook one of my 'friends' (we aren't really friends. We just revolve around the same social circle) posted a quote from the Koran. I thought that was weird since I knew he wasn't a Muslim so I clicked on the comments. He said that since Christians were 'spamming' his news feed about their religion he was going to post quotes about other religions until he 'felt satisfied'. I guess until he felt that he had stuck it to the Christians hard enough.

Now in the previous few days I had found a couple lovely pictures about Christianity that I had posted. Nothing over the top. It was 3 pictures and one video over a 3 day span. So I posted on his post, 'if this is about what I have posted feel free to hide me, if not carry on'. My husband got into a long discussion with the guy that lasted most of the day but that was the only thing that I said.

I heard later from my best friend that he told her to read it and said that any time a Christian posted something about their religion it was only to stick it to the non-Christians. It couldn't be that it struck the person as something that they liked. Nope. It was only to stick it to the non-Christians and shove our religion down their throat.

When I heard that my first reaction was to absolutely FLOOD my news feed with Christian posts. Then the voice of reason stepped in and said that I would only be proving him right. So I did nothing. It was hard though. This is the same guy that basically told my husband that he was making a mistake by dating and later marrying me. They used to be best friends but the final nail in the coffin was when the guy invited my husband (boyfriend at the time) someplace but told him not to bring me because I wasn't welcome.

My best friend also seemed to hate the fact that people post stuff about Jesus. She said that she just basically skims my posts because I post stuff about Jesus. That kind of hurt. I don't think I'm excessive or anything. I should be able to share my faith. MY news feed is flooded with stuff that other people care about that I really don't. I don't say anything though and sometimes I even comment on stuff I have no interest in just because my friends posted it.

Then this whole situation made me (and my husband too) realize something, I am no longer ashamed or scared about what people will say about my faith. I will no longer not post something because I am afraid of what someone else might say. I will no longer not SAY something because I'm afraid of how people react. Jesus is my savior and it's ok for me to talk about that. I'm not going to keep a huge part of my life silent just because I'm afraid someone might react negatively to the simple fact that I'm a Christian. I don't need to shout it from the rooftops but I will no longer be silent. I would rather lose people I'm associated with then have to compromise and keep silent part of myself. I want to hear 'well done good and faithful servant' when I go home. That's more important to me.

My husband later told me that the reason he kept going in the conversation for so long was because he was taking a step forward. This was his way of not backing down from his faith. He never got overly emotional and his arguments stayed very cool and collected. I was very proud of him for standing up for his faith. He's come a long way.

While this was going on, I was trying to finish a book for a book review. The book was called 'Healing is a Choice'. I got to the chapter on risk. The author was stating that in order to truly heal we all need to take risks and get out of our little safety cocoons. Not in crazy ways but some risks need to be taken. When I started to read the chapter I felt something bubbling up in me. I got more excited and even started to shake a little. I couldn't figure it out until the word homeschool came to my mind.

We have been struggling over the issue of homeschooling for years. We had decided to homeschool until we could move and get in a better school district because the one we are in right now is abysmal. Just recently, I had said to my husband that I was tired of not knowing what we are going to be doing next year. Will we still be homeschooling or will Daemon be in school? Will we finally find a house after almost 3 years of looking on and off?

When I thought of homeschooling I knew that was the risk God was pushing us to take. So without even realizing it I decided that if my husband said yes to homeschooling for the long term then I knew God was actually speaking to me. So I went and told my husband about the book and told him that I felt we were stagnant and needed to start taking risks. He asked me what sort of risk I wanted to take. I told him I felt we needed to make a decision on homeschooling once and for all.

Then I said that I wanted to homeschool long term. He looked at me and said ok. That was it. There was no in depth discussion for the hundredth time. Just a statement and an ok. Considering that my husband told me that there was no way we were going to homeschool the first time I ever brought it up, this was a major major change for him. Once the short conversation was done, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I know this is what God want's us to do.

I was so excited I told my best friend and her reaction made me realize that to some of our friends now we are going to be the 'crazy bible thumpers'. But I'm ok with that. My husband and my sons are the people that I like the most in the world so if we are all we have that's great. I've also made a few online friends that I feel I can talk to. My husband has a few friends that won't care what we do because it's our life and they will still be his friends anyway.

It's been a crazy ride the past few weeks since I started my submit year but I think I've come a long way already. I could have just ignored the feeling I was having and not said anything to my husband and we could have just gone on with the status quo. But I listened and I submitted and I already feel 100 times better from that one action. It's a great feeling :)





Growing Home



2 comments:

  1. That's awesome Jen! It amazes me that when we follow how God wants things done, how better we feel! lol...yet we fight His ways all the time. WHY DO WE DO THIS?!!!

    I totally know about the facebook thing. I have a relative who is a hardcore atheist and posts some awful things on facebook. I just have to pray for her.

    As for friends thinking you're weird...well I have to thank God for something He did for me that I wasn't thankful for at first. Every big event in my life (getting married, getting a job, becoming a SAHM, and lastly moving to Ohio) I have lost touched with friends. By the time I moved to Ohio I lost touch with all my friends and since we only have one car, I don't go out much...which means I haven't made any more friends. Even a particular relative/in-law I thought I was best friends with until she came on to my husband. Long story short, I went a long time with no friends (other than internet friends) and it was the best thing for me. Now I am very PICKY about who I let in my life. 2 summers ago I moved into our first house (BELIEVE ME...that day WILL come for you!! I thought it never would...I prayed for YEARS to finally have a house) and a few months ago started talking with my neighbor. Turns out she homeschooled her kids (and put them in regular school this school year). She's also a woman of faith. I'm trusting God with my relationships and this woman is a breath of fresh air.

    This sounds awful, but last year I lost 2 grandmothers. They were the most biggest critics of mine for homeschooling. So when I start this coming year, I have no one to explain it to. I'm so thankful. We need to get to a point where we no longer CARE what others think. And that is so hard, but oh so freeing! Sometimes a lot of friends aren't a good thing lol! I really like my little hermit life lol!!

    I'm learning to not do so much talking around people who either I'm not close to, or who I know won't be interested (or understand) in my choices. I hate having to defend myself.

    Alright I'll shut up now lol!

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    1. I don't know why we do that all the time lol. Probably just our human nature saying that we know better.

      I don't really have to explain my homeschooling to anyone. My in-laws weren't very happy at first but they have come around and they see the progress Daemon is making :) My mom has been supportive since day one because she never tries to meddle in my life. She had to live through that with both of my grandmas so she tries to just be supportive of the choices I make.

      I like my hermit life too! :) I just wish my husband could stay connected with people. He needs to go out way more than I do but never gets a chance to because of how crazy life is here are home.

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