It's beautiful and I needed it. I heard it at just the right time because things have been moving in my walk with God that I don't think I could have seen.
I was unfriended on Facebook the other day. Because this person couldn't handle the fact that I was a Christian. A couple years ago, heck a couple months ago, this would have thrown me into a tail spin of self doubt and worry and insecurity and might have really really hurt my walk with Jesus. What people think about me has bothered me my whole life. I haven't done things because I was afraid of what people would say about me.
But this time it was different. I was thrown and it did make be feel bad, but I worked though it. By the end of the day, I was actually ok with it. I knew this wasn't a person that I needed in my life, he only brought me down and I was ok with him unfriending me.
Then my best friend and I ended up actually talking last night. We have been drifting apart for years and we've danced around the issue multiple times and things got further strained when she started to move away from religion and I started running to it. I won't go into details here but we talked for almost two hours and now have come to a better understanding and I feel closer to her now than I have since she lived here in 2007.
But the best thing that has come out of these past few days is my understanding of Jesus. I have spent most of my life not knowing who He is. Then when I discovered who He is, I spent almost 5 years convinced that he couldn't love me. He could love everyone in the world, everyone who messed up, everyone who made mistakes but sought him out. But because of my past and how I was treated as a child by extended family and friends and almost everyone, I didn't believe that he could love me. I was too broken. It's heartbreaking to hear that Jesus loves everyone but feel that deep down inside that statement doesn't apply to you.
But last night as I was doing my bible study. I FELT it! Jesus loves ME! He loves me, he want's the best for me, he understands when and why I mess up. But he LOVES ME! I know it, I feel it, and it has re-energized not only my spiritual life but my physical life as well.
So today, this hour, this very moment I want to dance for Jesus. In the next moment I might fall but I will fall on Jesus. And when I'm low and I'm crying and I feel like things can't get any worse, I'm going to cry to Jesus. Because He's there and now it's something that I know in my heart and that makes all the difference in the world to me!