Monday, October 29, 2012

Just average...

That's me. Average height. Average shoe size. Average intelligence. Average faith. Average house. Average car. Average life. Just average Jennie. Even my name is average. I'm just one of a million Jennifer's my age that are out there.

I ache for something more. I want to be bold for Christ. I want to do something that matters. But every time I think about what I want to do, I am at a loss.

I thought that I could use this blog for that purpose but I am stopped by two things. One, I feel like my writing is mediocre at best and two, what on earth could I possibly have to teach other people. I don't feel like I know anything and if all I am doing is talking about my struggles in Christ and as a homemaker, how is that encouraging anyone?

Maybe I do have something to teach and tell people about but I can't see it. Like I said before, I'm just average.

I don't want to be average anymore. I want to be bold and caring and something out of the ordinary. I don't need to be a 'special snowflake' but I do need to do and be more than what I am right now.

I know that every single person has something that they are super good at and something that they can do for the Kingdom. I just need to find what that is for me. There has to be something that God is wanting me to do. There has to be a niche for me.

Is this something that other people struggle with or do most people know what they are meant to do. I know that I need to pray more about this issue but it seems like it's so easy for other people. They start a blog and get 1000 followers within 6 months. They get a feeling they should start a ministry and everything just falls into place. It's amazing and makes me think sometimes that maybe I'm not supposed to be one of those people.

I want to write. I have stories and books and blog posts just rolling around inside me but when I am staring at the blank computer screen the words just won't come. Then when they come I feel like I missed the point somehow. My words aren't full enough or my thoughts aren't expressed well. Maybe it's just me and my posts are perfectly fine. I can be a perfectionist sometimes and that makes me so critical of what I create. Whether it's words or a blanket or a diaper cake it's never good enough. I sometimes get so frustrated with myself that I can't just enjoy what I am able to create.

It's time to start praying about this. I need to figure out what God wants our family to do. I know there is something, I just need to be open to it. I know He is knocking and I need to figure out how to get to the door and open it.

Do you ever feel like this? Did you feel like this but you figured it out? Let me know in the comments. Maybe we can muddle through together :)




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4 comments:

  1. Yes, I believe prayer is an important place to start. Sometimes, I struggle with what to post at my blog but I believe the Lord led me to have it and I know He is faithful to make it happen unto His glory. Continue to pray and let Him lead you.
    Thank yuo for sharing at WJIM. Blessings.

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  2. Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your kind words. It all comes down to prayer doesn't it? :)

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  3. Oh Jen, I still struggle with this. I know you posted this last year but I just had to tell you that there is nothing AVERAGE about you! You are a daughter of the most high King! Don't let Satan speak those lies to you!!!! I have been shown that Satan spoke many times last year telling me how unimportant I am. I almost failed my Good Morning Girls group because I never finished a study (I didn't think I was needed)and lost all my passion with it. I wanted to blog passionately but Satan stole my passion.

    Dear Jen do NOT let him do that to you!!!You are a mom of boys and a homemaker...just like the mother of JESUS! You are anything but average!!

    As for the writing, the same things happen to me. How I "hear" the post in my head never seems to come out in writing. I know what I was trying to get at but I don't seem to get that out. But also I have to realize that if our goal is to speak for God and have Him work through us, maybe that's what HE wanted us to write instead.

    I've had a blog for a year and I am not even close to 1000 followers lol! I have noticed that since I stopped caring and truly turned my blog over to God that I have been getting more!

    WJIM is definitely right when she says to pray first!! That's why I took a blog break. I NEEDED to know what God wanted from me!

    Good luck and God bless you!!

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    Replies
    1. It's amazing sometimes how you can know with your head that God loves you and you are his child and at the same time not feel it in your heart because of Satan.

      This is the thing I struggle with the most because of my childhood. Maybe there's a blog post buried there lol :)

      Thanks for your words. They have really helped. It also helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way. I don't want anyone else to feel like this but knowing that other women go through the same things helps a little :)

      Angell, sometimes I feel like you are my sister from another mister lol! The things you write about are the things I also feel. It's amazing how much we seem alike. I should comment more when your writing touches me! Have a great day!

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