I don't know how to be a homemaker. I'm sure that this is what God wants me to be doing but I really have no idea how to do it. I'm trying to battle 5 years of not really scrubing anything in this house. Some days I don't even know where to begin. My carpet is filthy, there is dirt and dust on the walls and I don't have any matching furniture except my couch and loveseat.
I know I don't need all new, fancy things to make a home but I don't know how to make the stuff I DO have better. I don't know how to stick to a meal plan. I can't get out every week to shop. I'm just so frustrated.
But what worries me most of all is the fact that I have no idea how to raise my boys in the Lord. I didn't go to church when I was a child. I went for a little while when I was a teenager but that stopped when my father died when I was 17. At the time I didn't want anything to do with God.
My husband is not a believer so it's up to me. What if I fail them at this? I just stumble around. I don't know a lot of scripture, I don't got to church often. I'm just lost.
I read all these wonderful blogs from ladies that homeschool, make everything from scratch, run a house and a farm, and have more than 5 children. I sit back and wonder why I can't get it together with only 2 children and a small house.