Doug and I talked a lot last night. It was painful and hard and we had a few misunderstandings but I think overall it did us good. I realized that I've been looking for something in him that isn't there. He isn't like me, he doesn't show his affection in the ways I do, and I need to understand that. It doesn't mean that he loves me any less.
Today for the Love Dare we are supposed to meet a need of our spouses by a daring act of sacrifice on our part. So for mine, as much as I want to talk tonight we aren't going to. I think that a night to just relax with each other and have fun will be beneficial. I know that I will struggle with painful things all day but I want to work through them so when Doug walks in the door after work I want to greet him with a smile. But not only just smile, I want the smile to be genuine. So I will do what it takes today to make that happen. If it means that I have to have my journal out at all times today to write down all my painful feelings and get rid of them then that's what I will do.
I need to start looking at the blessings in my life. Doug loves me again, my wedding rings are back on my fingers, we have two healthy boys. We have survived a lot in our marriage and other marriages have crumbled under less pressure. We have a nice little house that meets our needs. I get to stay home and raise our boys. These are the things that I need to be focusing on. I have so many blessings in my life that I overlook on a daily basis. I need to be grateful, not constantly looking for more.