Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Decided today a blog might be nice to have...

I've been looking for a way to get out some of my thoughts and feelings and decided to look into creating a blog. I'm tired of the drama on some of the other sites I frequent. Sometimes I just need an outlet or I feel like I'm going to explode.

This pregnancy has been so hard on me. I am only around 32 weeks but I am so ready for it to be over. I don't think it's going to be long though. I'm still having contractions almost every day. I've been telling Doug that I'm actually looking forward to going into labor and having to go to the hospital lol. I told him that it's going to almost be like a vacation for me. I won't have to be scared because the pregnancy journey will almost be over and I've done it before so I basically know what to expect. I just have to focus on one thing instead of 20. There will be no laundry or cleaning for me too do and I can just lay there and nap in between contractions if I want to. Sounds like a good little break for me. Isn't that weird?

On another note, I've been struggling with my faith lately. I don't know how to put God first in my life I guess. Plus, every time I have opened myself up to other Christians (besides the few who really love me like my mom, Jackie, my Aunt Cindy, etc.), I've just been told that because I have a lot of liberal beliefs God doesn't want me. Is that true? Does God only want conservatives? Is there no place in Heaven for a liberal like me? Does God even care about the difference? I didn't think so but when something is thrown at you a thousand times you start to think that maybe there is some truth to it.

I try to tune out the voices around me and just focus on what Jesus is trying to tell me. Sometimes it's hard though. The day to day stuff of life just seem to drown Him out. I know He has a plan for me and my family but I'm just not sure what that is.

One last thing that I need to write about today is, I need to change my habits. I'm sick of my house being dirty, I'm sick of never being able to keep up with the laundry, and I'm sick of feeling like I have to clean rather than just spend time with my son. There has to be some sort of balance I can find. I know that I'm a lazy person. It's one of my biggest failings. But then when I get motivated I have to clean everything at once and do ALL the laundry and get outside and weed the flowers. There's no balance. I think that's the biggest thing that is missing from my life, balance. I either don't do enough or I have to do everything at once.

Well I think that's enough for today.

Until next time,
Jen